Meet Maria Canar, RTB Scholar
Maria Canar, Raise the Barr Scholar and University of Minnesota Graduate
For 7 weeks, I’ve written about myself, my children, my journey as a single mom, and my life. I hope you have found my posts relatable, funny, vulnerable, and honest. I enjoy sharing with you because I feel like I’m talking to friends, as if we are sitting around the table sharing stories, fears, hopes and dreams. This week, instead of talking about myself, I’m featuring one of our scholars. Maria Canar is strong, beautiful, and funny. She is the mother of two amazing little girls, an immigrant from Ecuador, a first-generation college student, and now a 2020 graduate of University of Minnesota! Her story is one of resilience, pride, honesty, and love. I asked Maria a series of questions. Due to space constraints, I cannot share the conversation in its entirety, but I will try my best to honor her story as it relates specifically to pursuing and attaining her degree. It has been lightly edited for flow and clarity.
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After I graduated from high school. I immediately filled out the application for the UM. The sad part was that I never submitted the application during those times. I can’t remember exactly how many times I filled out that application or would stare at it, but never submitted. The U was my dream school, and it seem(ed) too far superior from me. My mom used to deliver newspapers (early mornings 2 am-6 am), she had some stops around the UM campus, and I would go with her. I admired the UM from far away, I dreamed that someday I would be walking in that campus and perhaps be one of those students. I asked my mother too many questions about campus, but never got any concrete responses. Now, I understand why my mother couldn’t answer me. We both were immigrants and had no previous relationship with post-secondary.
In 2015, I started the Minneapolis Community and Technical College (MCTC). I was planning on doing the dental assistant program. Before entering the program there were some prerequisites, so I started them in the summer. I took 10 credits, with no daycare, very little support from my family, and with a 3-year-old and a 3-month-old. That summer was significant and marked the rest of my college and career path. I met my college English professor, we read books like GRIT and Back to School. And some others that I don’t recall. But professor Kuhne asked me to “think big about” becoming a dentist. The old me, of course, said no immediately to that thought. (But then) I decided that dental hygiene would be best instead of dental assistant. When the summer was done, Professor Kuhne helped get connected with a dentist friend of his (who has also become a mentor along with his wife who is also a dentist) so that I could shadow and see if I had some interest. I didn’t know how to ask for help or guidance, I wasn’t familiar with this environment. Wise Professor Kuhne believed and saw the potential in me. He became my mentor in this whole process.
Once again, I applied to UM (as a transfer student) to CFANS (College of Food, Agricultural and Natural Resource Sciences) to do nutrition studies as a major, but this time I submitted my application. I had a plan and I was determined to become a dentist. By the 4th week of January in 2017, I was notified of my acceptance to the University of Minnesota. I was jumping up and down through the hallway of my building with so much excitement in my chest. I sent a screenshot of my acceptance to Professor Kuhne, my parents, and others that cared about my success. In May of 2017, I graduated MCTC and it felt great!
Fall of 2017, I was a Gopher walking around both the St Paul and East campuses. My academic load was intense. I had no interest in Nutrition. I wasn’t enjoying it. I wanted to find meaning and joy in my academic program. Before one knows how to be successful, we first must know how to fail at something. In the past I always felt like a failure, so I thought this would work on my side and I would be safe. I was wrong. I let problems and ghosts (unwanted people) have control over my life. I withdrew from a nutrition class and I failed one class.
Before the semester was over, I switch my major to Spanish studies. Why would you study Spanish if you already speak it, some would say. Just because you speak English doesn’t mean you can’t take English as a major. I would respond back. Going back to my failing. I felt horrible and wanted to hide my head under the ground. I felt the shame, I betrayed my children, I cried, but the time to grow began there. I had two options: 1. Give up. 2. Work harder and move on. I chose option 2 and later I retook that class I failed and got a B+.
I was starting from scratch; I was now (majoring in) Spanish studies and it was the right decision. Perhaps my failing directed me to this path. I could not be thankful enough for all the knowledge and history that I learned about my roots and what it is to be a Latin American in the US. This helped me embraced my culture, connect and understand with my community. To stand out as an individual and not for the color of my skin. As you can imagine, my biggest sponges of all this are my children. My biggest concern was how to teach my oldest child to not fear hate or racism as she prepared to start kindergarten.
When I was 12 years old and spoke none to little English, I was attacked with hate. The librarian from my public library asked my friend (who spoke English well) and me if we were good “swimmers” because of the Rio Grande. Basically, he was calling us “wetbacks”. I didn’t know what he was talking about, I didn’t know how to defend myself. I had no words. I was a kid. Now I have taught my children how to stand out for themselves, but I had taught myself too.
A lot of my Spanish professors tried to change my mind about dental school. They would encourage me to become a Spanish professor ideally to be a Latin-American teaching a Spanish course to Spanish speakers. So, there is growth within my career path. There are Spanish non-profits that I could be working at. But that’s not my passion. My focus has always been dental school.
It was towardsthe end of my program that I started to run out of financial aid and that’s when I needed help. As always, loans were my last resource, if I didn’t get any scholarships. Filling out scholarships at times were overwhelming, I had an “extra” thing to fill out and to not forget to turn it in while I was doing schoolwork and dealing with kids at home. Sometimes I would say “Can I just say that I’m poor, economically poor, but rich at heart and soul?” Unfortunately, scholarships don’t work like that.
I met an extraordinary advisor at the University of Minnesota and I had a lot of help from the Student Parent Help Center. Susan (The Director at the SPHC) is the BEST, she’s amazing at her job, the work that they do there for us to be successful is remarkable. I can assure that this center is part of the “it takes a village to raise a child”. She’s very resourceful and is always looking out for you when you ask for help. There were so many times that I would come back home after talking with Susan thinking, “How have I been so blessed” and my respond back would be “Keep working hard and be thankful every single step on the way”. (I was fortunate), I never felt like an outsider as a student parent at the U. My professors were very nice to let my children attend classes sometimes, and my classmates always had a smile for them.
Even though I joined the Student Parent Help Center my first semester, I guess I was not too close to them in the beginning. Plus, I was at the St. Paul campus and they were in the east campus. That semester is when Aimee started Kindergarten and I had to drop her off and picked her up from school. I was commuting a total of 4 hours between her school, mine, and home. I was (too) exhausted to be asking for help. Maybe I should give a feedback to (SPHC) about this and in their intakes they could ask this type of questions and it can help us come up with a plan. Or maybe I could admit I thought I was able to do it!
Dealing with the circumstances around Covid-19 has been interesting for me. I can tell you how powerful I feel, how confident and secure of a woman/ mother I’ve become. I’ve grown. Covid-19 took my graduation walk away, but it hasn’t taken away my strength or my determination. At the beginning of the quarantine I was a little shocked and lost. As I feared the worst, I changed my mindset to good. I wasn’t going to live in fear. My routine might’ve paused but I was still in control of my life. Having my routine paused gave a greater value of understanding life and what our role is here.
I once learned that people pursue ultimate happiness based on a concrete idea or goal. Meaning that if they become a lawyer that gives them access to happiness. A lot of those people who invest the time in becoming a lawyer don’t enjoy the steps on the way. So, when they’re successful they don’t know what to do next because they haven’t really learned about happiness. I’ve been able to reflect on my undergrad studies and I can say 100% how well satisfied and grateful I feel to have done what I did. I might’ve not been the traditional college student, but I KNOW that I didn’t miss anything. I enjoyed every step of the way. I made a vison board the first year of college. I look at it every day and it makes me feel accomplished and it assures me how capable and powerful we can be if we set our minds for it. The road may look bumpy and scary full of obstacles in the way. But sometimes we are our biggest obstacles to success. I am currently working on a new vision board.
During my spring break, I found a part time job at a dental clinic as a lab sterilizer technician. I only got to work one week. And they closed because of the virus. I got a call back from them two weeks ago. They want me back! I start my job again next Monday full-time.
The most valuable gift that I take as a mother is the transformation of seeing my daughter’s grow as fighters, courageous, and powerful little women. They have seen me studying countless nights, struggle with schoolwork, but most of all they have seen me reaching my goals. And that’s my biggest reward.”
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Congratulations Maria, April, and Aimee. Our world is a better place because of you.